Love and Friendship

Denis de Rougement once said, "Love ceases to be a demon only when he ceases to be a god." This is the foundation we must use to understand Love. There are two main kinds of love. There is the love that we Give; and there is the love that we Need. By nature, we Need love; by nature, God Gives love. It follows that we are closest to God when we are least like God. If God needed anything, He'd have to create that Need in Himself, a feat only omnipotence could acheive. In the end, however, if God does Need, then it will be satisfied according to plan; and if it isn't, then perhaps God experiences divine loss in a way we could not imagine. Hence, His willingness to send His Son, His only Son, to save us.

So, we can be near to God in 2 ways. First, we can be near Him by being like Him. Second, we can be near Him by approach. Consider an analogy. A huge chasm divides you from your destination; it's depth is unmeasurable. But the length of the division is only 15 feet. Thus, you are only 15 feet away from your destination; it's a stone's throw away! But you also know that you have to follow a path to get there; the path circumvents the chasm, even though it takes a day to complete it. So, in terms of Likeness, you are very close; but in terms of Approach, you are a day away. In terms of Approach, it may seem like you're getting further away from your destination, but - in reality - you are getting closer: even if it looks as if, in terms of Likeness, you're getting further away.

What's this have to do with Love? Each love, including Friendship, gets us near God in terms of Likeness, but not in terms of Approach. The only love that gets us near God in terms of Approach is Agape, which I'll explore more adequately in another blog. The other 3 loves - affection, friendship, and romantic love - make us like God, as a photograph resembles what is photographed: Agape makes us like God as a Son resembles his Father.

Okay, so what happens when love becomes a demon? That happens when Love becomes a god. Love becomes a god when a particular love is set up as a Sovereign, a King, without the checks and balances of Agape. This is why it is orthodox to say that God is love, but it is dangerous to say - and to mean it - that love is God.

The love that we Need shall never perish, since by nature, we Need God. We may temporarily Need another person's love - a child for his mother, a friend for another, a wife for a husband's - but this shouldn't last. Similarly, the love that we Give is by nature something we give temporarily to others; and if we give it to God, we only had it because God gave it to us first, in order that we offer it back to Him.

Along with these main Loves (Need and Gift), we have Pleasures. There is the pleasure that accompanies Appreciation of beauty. We hike along the ridge of a canyon, we happen to glance down toward the bottom below, the sun happens to be setting, it is quiet - suddenly, we are gripped by how beautiful the scene is: we appreciate it, and it is a pleasurable feeling.

So when the main loves and this pleasure are taken into account, we have a new love: the love that appreciates God - or, Worship.

What about Friendship?

This is the love that is the least Natural. We can live our lives without it, and we can go through our lives without wanting it. The species can breed without it. And yet it occurs, and when it does, it seems to make life better somehow.

The main ingredient in Friendship is 'common interest'. It occurs when one says to the other (in so many words), "You too?!" You like this too? Well, what about this? What is your opinion about that? Did you like this as much as I liked it? Do you have a passion about this aspect seen in that angle? Really? You too? We thought this passion was our own, and we thought we were strange that no one else had this liking. But then, to our surprise, we found someone else who shared that common love with us. And it was exhilarating. "You see the same thing I see?", we ask with a gasp.

In Eros, the sexes gaze into each other's eyes; in Friendship, they stand side-by-side, looking at a common point.

Friendship seems to be a shadow of that 'communion of the Saints' that shall be perfected in Heaven. Each creature has a unique vision of the divine Beauty, and can worship that particular aspect of it better than any other creature. This is because God made each person different, a unique shape meant to fit into a particular form in the Church as a whole. We shall share our private vision with the rest of the creatures; when a friendship happens, we taste the beginnings of such a fruition. But all is now hazy and blurry. One day all shall be clear and out in the open. The smoke will clear and we'll breathe fresh air. But friendship gives us a foretaste. The beauties of God, differently manifested in each creature, shall one day shine, and we'll see who they were. There will be surprises.

Where does society itself come from, civilization? Did a tight knot of people, bound together by a passion for a common vision, together build the bedrock for a country? Imagine the comoraderie of the Founding Fathers, the Spartans, the Scots, the Jews, . . . the Germans . . . All ethnicities perhaps . . .

And since our biology doesn't need friendship, it is probably Spiritual. But God never says that we are to Him what one friend is another in the Bible. He is Groom to Bridegroom, or Father to Son, or even Owner to Pet, or perhaps Artist to a work of art.

What happens when Friendship becomes a god? What if the common interest was evil? What if there is the formation of exclusive coteries, gangs, cliques? Pride, vanity, or snobbery, can emerge.

So, it seems Frienship is a love reserved for creatures.

To be continued . . .